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The number one dating dealbreaker for men and women

Lying and hanging around with an ex are among the dating dealbreakers according to new eHarmony data.
Lying and hanging around with an ex are among the dating dealbreakers according to new eHarmony data. Getty Images

Man hands, eating one pea at a time, wearing the same dress every day and being a low talker. If anyone is notorious for having a picky dating life, it’s Jerry Seinfeld.

Seinfeld may have taken his dating preferences to the (hilarious) extreme, but we all have our own dealbreakers when it comes to dating.

And while we might know what works and doesn’t work for us, we may not know what others are looking for — or not looking for — in their potential future partner.

READ MORE: Why is it so tough to leave a bad relationship?

Well the guessing game is over.

The folks over at the dating website eHarmony have surveyed over 619,000 of their members and have pinpointed the top dating dealbreakers for singletons in the dating game.

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Dealbreakers for women

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When it comes to dating the opposite sex, women have a pretty clear idea of what they want in a partner.

While it’s a “nice bonus” for 47 per cent of women to have a partner who stays in shape, only 21 per cent say it’s a “must have.”

Dating a cheapskate is not an option for more than three-quarters of women, nor is dating a man who still lives with his parents as 52 per cent of women give that a big thumbs down.

Smoking is also a major turnoff as only 31 per cent consider the bad habit “tolerable.” However, only 29 per cent of women would go as far as to give their partner an ultimatum to quit.

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As for that annoying ex that keeps coming around, 73 per cent are not for it.

In terms of lying, however, there’s a bit of a grey area.

Twelve per cent of women say little white lies are acceptable while 25 per cent say fibbing is OK under certain circumstances. But 62 per cent say that full-out lying is a big dealbreaker.

Dealbreakers for men

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According to the survey’s results, the preferences of men aren’t all that different than women with exception of a few areas.

For men, having a partner who’s in shape is slightly more important as 29 per cent say it is a must-have trait.

Dating a cheapskate is something that leaves men divided as only slightly more than half say it’s a dealbreaker. However, men are more likely to date a penny pincher than women.

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As for smoking, 42 men say the vice is tolerable while 30 per cent say they would give their partner an ultimatum to quit.

And just like women, men are not comfortable with their partner hanging around with an ex boyfriend (71 per cent).

Men also find lying an unattractive trait. While only 10 per cent of men say white lies are acceptable and 18 per cent believe fibbing is OK, the vast majority of men say lying is the end of a relationship (61 per cent).

The number one dealbreaker

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Both men and women agree there is one trait that stands above them all that is a surefire dating dealbreaker: rudeness.

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“While we weren’t surprised to see that rudeness was an important factor for both men and women, we were interested in the fact that it beat out lying and hanging out with an ex as a dealbreaker,” says Jeannie Assimos, vice president of content, in a press release statement.

According to the statistics, 79 per cent of women and 77 per cent of men cannot stand a rude date.

As for what isn’t widely considered to be relationship-enders: laziness (17 per cent men and 18 per cent women), messiness (6 per cent men and 3 per cent women) and cursing (19 per cent men and 24 per cent women).

Getting out alive

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If you ever find yourself on a date with a rude person, psychologist Dr. Seth Meyers offers three trips to help you manage the situation:

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  • Excuse yourself for a bathroom break: Instead of responding in a hot-headed manner, a bathroom break gives you an opportunity to remove yourself from the situation and regroup.
  • Don’t respond to the insulting comment and switch the subject instead: Decide if you want to address the comment or not. Try switching the subjecting by asking more general questions to buy you some time on deciding what to do next.
  • If you’re angry enough that you need to discuss it now: State your feelings clearly and let them know you don’t want them to say something like that again. This is the time to set up relationship dynamics early on so it’s better to communicate your boundaries and expectations.