This is how old you’ll be before you have the best sex of your life

The young believe they’ve got a lock on all the fun stuff. They don’t get hangovers (or at least, they’re bearable), they can eat late at night without suffering any consequences and they think they’re having the best sex. But as it turns out, they’re nowhere close on that last one.

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In a survey conducted by online dating site Match.com titled Singles in America, on average women aged 66 and men aged 64 report having the best sex of their lives. The survey polled 5,000 singles across the country of all ages, ethnicities and income levels.

But before you scoff at this, consider some inevitable truths. For one thing, 60-year-olds have the time for sex.

“By their senior years, most couples don’t have kids around anymore and they aren’t working as much, so they’re not as tired,” says Ellen Starr, a Toronto-based psychologist who specializes in marital and sexual counselling. “The typical stresses of people in their 30s or 40s means they often have to choose between sleep or sex.”

Then there’s the fact that people at that age, especially women, are more comfortable with themselves and their bodies. Plus, they feel the freedom (and the right) to ask for what they want of their partner without shame or worrying about judgment.

“Sometimes, when younger people have sex, they engage in what’s called ‘spectatoring.’ This is where they’re looking down on themselves and thinking things like, ‘is he noticing that roll of fat’ or ‘am I big enough for her,'” Starr says. “But eventually, most people get to a point in their lives where they no longer feel the pressure to have the perfect body. They’re more concerned with ‘do I feel healthy and strong?'”

This allows them to be present and in the moment, which Starr says is the most important element for good sex.

But while comfort and empowerment seem to especially benefit women, there’s something else that men tend to experience in their 60s that leads to better sex: connection.

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“Many men become much more emotionally connected with women as they get older,” Starr says. “People have noted that there’s a real flip in men in their 60s where they become much more sensitive and empathetic. They’re happy for the emotional closeness with their partner and that always leads to better sex.”

Of course, health issues can crop up as can decreased sex drive. Although, Starr points out, she’s seen patients in their 30s and 40s who have lost their sex drive, so it isn’t always a matter of age. And things like erectile dysfunction in men and menopausal changes in women have been effectively addressed by the pharmaceutical industry — “thank goodness for Viagra.”

“Usually, when women first go through menopause, they struggle with the physiological changes. But by the time they get to their 60s, they’ve figured it out and they’ve become used to their symptoms,” Starr says. “At this point, men are happy to be having sex and to feel alive and desired. They’re both primed for great sex.”