You remember them. The kids in high school everyone wanted to hang out with, be like, or even date. Maybe you were one of them.
For teens today, being popular doesn’t just come in the form of birthday invitations or promposals, it’s in Snapchat streaks, Instagram likes and Facebook friends. A leading researcher in popularity says that’s complicating how children (and adults) perceive popularity.
Mitch Prinstein is a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of North Carolina and the author of Popular: The Power of Likeability in a Status-Obsessed World. I spoke with him via Skype to find out why popularity matters.
Laurel Gregory: In all of your research on the topic of popularity, what surprised you most?
Mitch Prinstein: I’m really surprised how important popularity is, not just when we are kids but it predicts us really long-term. Forty years later those who are most likeable have the best outcomes at work, at home and in their physical health.
LG: What kind of data did you analyze while writing this book?
MP: There actually have been hundreds of studies on popularity involving hundreds of thousands of kids across the world, looking at the effects over time. One particular study in the Scandinavian region involved about 15,000 kids and looked at how they grew up. Those who were most likeable were the most likely to be happy, healthy, make the most money and be happiest in their relationships.
READ MORE: Struggling to connect with your teen? How to get that special parent-child relationship back
LG: What was the biggest takeaway for you?
MP: I think one of the things that surprised me the most was how much popularity even affects the expression of our DNA. Believe it or not, the moment that we feel rejected by others it triggers a cascade of responses in our bodies that produces an inflammation response that can make us sick and even increase the chance of death.
LG: How does popularity influence children’s well-being in the long run?
MP: Most people don’t realize there are two different types of popularity. One type is likeability, which is worth paying attention to. It helps us. But the other is the kind we all remember from high school. Who is kind of cool and visible and influential. We call that status and those who are highest in status grow up to have a few problems actually long term.
LG: What kind of problems?
MP: They’re more likely to suffer from addictions, depression, anxiety and even relationship problems.
READ MORE: Heavy pot and alcohol use in teens may mean less success later in life, study says
LG: What are you hoping parents glean from this?
MP: We’re all hoping that parents really help us out here because this is a world that’s become so fixated by status and kids are getting messages everywhere that they should care about their social media feeds and try and seem cool and have a lot of visibility and likes. If parents aren’t teaching their kids that likeability is what matters, they may be getting the very wrong message from everywhere in society right now.
LG: Are adults buying into that too?
MP: Kids aren’t the only ones that are getting sucked into social media and caring about their retweets and their followers. This is a little dangerous. We don’t want to encourage kids towards something we know will hurt them years later.
LG: Do you think parents should limit or discourage social media use since there is such a strong focus on status?
MP: I think it’s fine for kids to be on social media in moderation and for them to have some fun on there just like adults do. But it’s really important to remind kids what really matters and what will really help them develop the skills they need is truly to connect with others, to care about whether they made others feel welcome, if they were empathetic and really to help kids remember that no matter what you do online sometimes a good old fashioned conversation where you get to know someone in a real way ends up helping you develop the skills you need to be successful — even 40 years later — at work and in your marriage and when you have kids of your own.
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