When Debbie Sands lost her daughter to homicide, her life was turned upside down, prompting her to write a book on borderline personality disorder and the tragic effects of the illness.
On Aug. 31, 2012 Amy Sands was inside of a southeast Calgary garage when shots were fired from the outside. It’s believed her boyfriend was the intended target.
The 27-year-old died at the scene.
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Amy had been living a high-risk lifestyle and her family had always feared something bad could happen.
Her mother describes Amy as a complicated girl.
“Amy was a beautiful bright girl, very talented but she was troubled,” Sands said.
The problems only got worse as she got older.
“Eventually she ended up in the drug scene and hanging out with gang members,” her mother recalled. “We could never figure out what was wrong. She was very emotional. Her emotions would change really quickly from one minute to the next. There was always a lot of drama.”
Just months before her death, a family doctor diagnosed Amy with borderline personality disorder.
By then she was already in trouble with the law and despite being ordered to undergo a psychological assessment, she never received treatment.
Instead, she chose to use street drugs to cope with the never-ending emotional roller-coaster.
“We never knew what we could say to her. Sometimes she would be fine with anything, other times she would go completely off the deep end,” Sands said.
Since her death, her parents have constantly battled with the “what ifs.” They wonder what Amy could have become had she received the help she needed.
That’s what inspired her mother to write a book: A Moth to the Flame.
“When she was young, a teenager, I called her a moth to a flame because she was always drawn by the bad boys and bad scenes and bad situations and it just seemed to me it would be an apt title,” Sands said.
“I know I opened up our lives to everyone but I want to be honest because I want to help other people be aware of this illness,” she explained, fighting back tears.
It’s still difficult to deal with. Every day Sands misses her daughter.
“It’s been terrible. I never expected when I had children I was going to live this journey and lose a child.”
Proceeds from the sale of the book go to McMan Youth, Family and Community Services Association.
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