A Washington researcher speaking at a conference in Edmonton is warning parents and educators of the potentially harmful consequences of praising children.
In a parent’s world, a child’s smallest achievement is worthy of high praise.
Jessica Donzelman admits she congratulates her little girl for “going on the potty… if she’s using good manners, asking politely.”
“I don’t think twice about that. I use positive reinforcement…. We tell our kids ‘no’ a lot too, so I think you have to have a balance,” she adds.
“I think it’s because I’m so proud and so excited. I continuously – over something so small – get super excited about it,” Liat Corbiere explains.
What these moms call positive reinforcement, a University of Washington researcher calls potentially harmful.
Dr. Allison Master, a Developmental Psychologist, has been studying the impact of praise, and now believes we are raising affirmation addicts.
“Maybe Canadian children are sort of becoming praise junkies and becoming addicted to praise from their parents, teachers and coaches,” she says.
“Every time they do the smallest thing right, parents say that’s great, wonderful, you’re so smart! You’re the smartest person ever! You’re the best.”
After studying the effects of congratulating kids, Master says parents and educators who lay it on thick could be doing more harm than good.
“That may actually be the wrong way to express how they love their children, and it might have negative consequences for their children and undermine their confidence,” explains Master.
She’s studied the outcome of frequent praise by splitting 60 Grade 5 students in to two groups. The children in one group received lots of praise, while those in the other group received neutral feedback. Then, the research team took praise away completely, and boys and girls reacted differently.
“We found for boys, once we took away the feedback, they sort of lost motivation,” says Master.
“They were doing it just for the praise. Once the praise was gone, they weren’t interested anymore. They sort of disengaged from the task.”
Girls tried hard to win back the approval they gleaned from praise.
“There’s a time and place for praising your children,” says Master.
An American teacher – in a speech to graduates – said something similar; calling over-praising an epidemic, and that focusing on accolades, rather than achievement, makes significant praise meaningless because it’s so common.
Master advises parents to ease up on accolades, which may be easier said than done.
“I think it benefits them sometimes because they see how happy I am, and they want to continue to do it because I’m so excited,” says Corbiere.
“They ask you, ‘well are you proud of me? Do you like what I did? I find they request it if you don’t say it enough.”
Donzelman explains, “The things you’re praising for are smaller right, they’re just learning things, so you’re praising for the littlest things. When they get older, the things you’re praising for get bigger.”
Still, Master warns, “you want to be careful how you do it. Emphasize the effort and process, and it’s important to help children understand when they’ve done something really impressive that you’re really impressed by.”
With files from Kendra Slugoski
Comments