Man who endured murder-suicide tragedy hopes to help others

Watch above: Lorie Heggie lost a child to a murder-suicide in 1997. He sits down with Lisa Dutton to speak about his experience and how he hopes his experience can offer some light to others.

SASKATOON – For most parents, losing a child to a murder-suicide is unthinkable – a nightmare. The recent tragedy in Tisdale, Sask. where three children and their mother were killed by a man who later killed himself, has forced many parents to think about it.

Something similar happened in Saskatoon in August of 1997, and the man who lived through it is speaking out, in the hope his experience can offer some light to others.

Lorie Heggie came home to his Lakeridge-area house to find his wife, Maureen, had murdered their 13-year-old son, Logan. Maureen then took her own life.

For nearly 18 years, he has been forced to cope with life without his only child. Logan had been a gifted young athlete who excelled at many sports – in fact in the spring of 1997 Logan had toured eastern Europe with an all-star North American ball team.

It all ended that horrible day – which Heggie remembers like it was yesterday.

“I came home one Friday afternoon and found my wife and my son dead. My wife had paranoid schizophrenia. She had shot and killed my son in his bedroom, then turned the gun on herself,” he told Global News.

The family had been dealing with Maureen’s mental illness for quite some time. While it was getting worse, Heggie felt it was being managed by the family. He never feared for his or Logan’s safety.

“In hindsight I wish I would have made myself more aware of some of the side issues like personal safety. I guess I hold the medical profession to a degree responsible for that,” he said. “Nobody made us aware of the statistics of paranoid schizophrenia and what can be some of the worst outcomes. If they had, I probably would have done things differently.”

For Heggie, it has been a long road from that day back in 1997. Heggie says the pain is ever present, but admits the first two years were the worst.

“I remember being in a counselors office in complete disarray, asking how long until I feel better?”

Heggie says the spring of 1999 was a turning point. One of his mentors saw he wasn’t doing well, and came up with the idea of Heggie “re-dedicating” himself to his son. Heggie said the idea was simple – he started telling himself the same thing he told Logan before his son would head out to the ball diamond or hockey rink.

“Just do your best,” he would tell his son. The grieving father would imagine his son saying those same words to him – “Just do your best, dad.”

It helped. Life slowly began to get a little better. But struggles remain – like his feelings toward his former wife.

Heggie says the loss of Maureen was like a roller coaster.

“One minute I would be grieving the loss the loneliness and the partnership. I would feel tragically sorry for Maureen and her illness,” he said. “The next minute I would be literally screaming mad at her for taking Logan’s life.”

And while he is very thankful for his life today, he says when he heard about the murder suicide in Tisdale in April – where three children were killed by a man who had a relationship with their mother – it hit hard. And his heart went out to the children’s biological father, who is left to mourn them.

READ MORE: Emotional Tisdale, Sask. vigil remembers murdered mom, 3 children

“I get teary when I think about the heartache of that dad who has no control over what happened to his children. He is going through horror. He needs support. He needs everyone’s compassion,” he said. “Everybody needs to get behind him.”

Heggie says his heartbreak has taught him that society needs to better deal with mental illness. “The guy who committed the tragedy in Tisdale, he has to be mentally ill to do something like that.”

While Heggie doesn’t blame Maureen, he does point to her illness.

“I would like to see mental illness talked about more freely in public. If we can do that we would be making a huge step in treating mental illness more effectively and prevent tragedies like this.”

A big part of the smile on Lorie Heggies face today is due to his new love, his wife Barb. Today the couple works together, quietly helping others cope with tragedy.

“I would have never made it through without people helping me. It is my life purpose to pay back, pay it forward. We all have our broken parts. We all have to put our broken parts back together.”